Lunch – Worst or Worstest Meal of the Day?!

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Excuse my use of worstest. It is most definitely not a word. But lunch, man, it really gets me down.  Remember when you were a kid and lunch was so exciting? You got to sit with your friends, compare snacks, everything was sunshine and Dunkaroos! But as an adult, lunch is a serious chore! All I want to do is eat a sandwich or a sub for lunch and that’s not a great choice. I’m always agonizing over what to eat for lunch at work and often, by Thursday or Friday I’m sick of whatever I’ve slapped together for that week and don’t want to eat the same thing anymore.  Currently I’m eating a bento box-ish kind of lunch and it’s super easy which is what is really appealing to me right now but it still doesn’t feel like I’m nailing this lunch thing. I could be making a better bento box. One that says, I put some thought and effort into this.

My current bento box masterpiece – 3 slices of turkey, 1 slice cheddar, grapes, and strawberries, with carrots and hummus (not pictured) to snack on later.

My ideal situation would be to be one of those people who preps everything for the week on Sundays, making homemade protein bars or trail mix, prepping meat and veggies for dinners, getting snacks in order, that would be a real dream come true.  All I know is I don’t want to feel like I’m scrambling to be healthy all week – trying to find a takeout solution on my lunch that isn’t going to make me feel like the mud on the bottom of someone’s shoe. Life would just be so much easier if I was more of a salad person. (What a sentiment! I don’t know who I am anymore these days, talking about my dream of being a salad person.) Sometimes I’m really into a good salad.  But a lot of times they just kind of bore me and don’t satisfy the beast inside me that wants to live on bread, butter, and cheese.

10154472_741443848619_2428883913806539444_nMy old, organized, prepping days.

Speaking of delicious, creamy things like my beloved cheese, you know what else often foils me when it comes to lunch? Those damn avocados! They’re in everything, they make most things better, and they are fudging impossible to keep around the house! For awhile during a clean, whole food eating plan I did for 2 weeks with my husband we were making turkey roll ups for lunch – turkey wrapped in a lettuce leaf with some tomato, cucumber, bacon, and avocado.  It was so hard to keep the sliced avocado fresh overnight when we prepped for the next day AND if we didn’t use the whole avocado in one day in was damn near impossible to use the rest for the following day. Recently, I tried making a chicken salad with this great Greek yogurt quacamole that Trader Joe’s makes but even that was tough because the quac would start to brown after it had been opened. What’s a lady to do?! Why are you so fragile delicious avocado?!

What are YOU eating for lunch these days? Does lunch excite you or stress you out like me?


I Did That Fitness Thing! 

After posting earlier today and getting some positive feedback from people who struggle with the same gap between who they are and want to be, I made it to yoga tonight for the first time in a few weeks.  Sometimes you need to celebrate a small victory…and hope it carries you on to another, and another, and another. 

I hope the rest of you are finding some small successes! 

That Thing, That Thing, That Fitness Thing…

What is that thing, that barrier between who we want to be and who we are? Why is it so hard to go from sincere desire to do something to actually doing it?

Since the beginning of 2015 I have been trying to switch to an AM workout routine.  When I get home from work at night I just want to be able to veg out, catch up on Mad Men, Daredevil, finally finish Breaking Bad (!), and spend time with my husband.  I don’t want to worry about cooking dinner, eating, digesting, and THEN getting in a run at the gym.  AM workouts make sense – give up a little sleep, start your day off on the right foot, and have your after work time for whatever your heart desires! It’s a total win-win.

My cousin Dan, myself, and my fitness hero/inspiration, Dan's wife, Nicole.

My cousin Dan, myself, and my fitness hero/inspiration, Dan’s wife, Nicole at our Engagement Party in 2013.

And yet, for the last two weeks especially, I have been a lazy pile of mush.  It’s like I’ve just given up and I feel miserable about it all day.  I’m not kidding you or myself when I say that I really, truly, do want to be the person that makes working out a part of their every day.  I want to be the person that makes healthy choices.  It’s not just who I think I should be – my heart half in it. No, it’s the person I absolutely WANT to be.

My husband (then boyfriend) and I at 205lbs, in 2010.

My husband (then boyfriend) and I at 205lbs, in 2010.

I’ve seen my attitude towards fitness change over the last 5 years.  In the summer of 2010 I was 205lbs.  After spending all my years from childhood through college active in sports, I was living at home, dating my now husband, and making all the wrong choices.  I was never active.  I ate horribly. I didn’t even realize how much weight I had gained until my friend Juliann posted some pictures of me from a concert that summer.  Chuck and I booked our first trip to Disney not long after that – I got a personal trainer at the gym, joined Weight Watchers, and I dropped 20lbs in two months.  At the time I didn’t start because I wanted to get “fit”. I just wanted to look better in pictures on our vacation. It was pure insecurity and vanity.  I gained about 10lbs back over the winter but then I signed up for a mud run and started running 3 times a week.  Slowly but surely over time the weight kept coming off.

After my first 5K mud run - exhausted, but one of my proudest "fitness moments".

After my first 5K mud run – exhausted, but one of my proudest “fitness moments”.

Excuse the overly shady pic - A snap of me on our honeymoon at 154lbs - in the best shape I've probably ever been in.

Excuse the overly shady pic – A snap of me on our honeymoon at 154lbs – in the best shape I’ve probably ever been in.

By the time I got married last year I was down to 154lbs and since then I’ve gained about 10 back. But honestly, it’s never been about the numbers – the scale, the pants size, etc. Since that initial weight drop I have really just wanted to feel healthy and feel good about the person I see in the mirror.  And most of the time I do.  But lately, it’s been harder. I don’t know if it’s my sleep schedule – I often wake up when my husband does around 4:30 or 5 in the morning and then try to go back to sleep for a bit and get all messed up – or mild depression because I just don’t want to go to work that badly.  Whatever the reason there is a distinct disconnect between who I want to be, who I’ve been working towards being for the last 5 years, and who I currently am.  Why is it so hard to do something you actually want to do? Why can’t I just flip a switch in my brain to get my act together?

How Did I Get Here?

When you turn 30, a lot of people – mostly men, don’t ask me why – will jokingly ask you, “how old you, 21?” or some other similar, younger, age.  They mean well.  Most people – mostly women – freak out about turning 30.  I am not one of those people.  I’m perfectly happy to be 30.  Maybe even more than perfectly happy.  Your twenties are for making lots of mistakes, learning the hard way, and getting a lot of what ifs and I wonders out of your system.  I spent a lot of Tuesdays in my early to mid twenties staying at a local bar with my friends until last call and then going to work at 8:30 the next morning.  In your twenties time seems endless and maybe that’s why some people freak out about their thirties because you do definitely start to get a sense of time being finite.


Finite time doesn’t have to be inherently scary though.  It can be thrilling.  You’re 30 – it’s time to focus on what you really want.  When I first thought about turning 30 I felt a sense of disappointment and guilt for having squandered my twenties not getting to work on a career.  I knew people from college who were working consistently in the creative world of Broadway, for exciting, fun sounding companies, taking job opportunities across the globe.  Even my friends who had just simply figured out what they wanted to do with their lives and started careers back home, made me feel jealous.  WHAT WAS I DOING WITH MY LIFE?!  I still really don’t know.  We were one of the first generations to be told, “You can be whatever you want when you grow up!”  As a kid I dreamed of being a veterinarian, an actress, an archaeologist – wild disparate things.  In a lot of ways I still feel like that kid. Some days I just want to talk about movies for the rest of my life, others I want to fight for women’s rights, still others I want to be a fitness guru.  I have no idea which of these things or which other, non-listed thing I’ll end up doing 10 years from now. But I know that no matter what, 10 years from now, I want to be doing something that I love doing most days. Is that so much to ask?

So here I am, 4 months into 30 and wondering where I’ll be at 40. It’s time to focus. I’m married. My husband and I are stupid happy, we have an apartment that suits us just fine, and two cats to snuggle in good times and bad. We’re saving little by little for a house and not yet ready for kids, if we ever do decide to have them.  So things, for the moment at least, are pretty settled. Except that I’m miserable 40 hours of my week.  I hate my job.  It stresses me out to the point of physical illness.  It’s not stressful in the amount of work or how challenging it is.  My work is very simple.  But I’m ridiculously unhappy and the office is very small and very dysfunctional.  It’s clear to me and virtually everyone in my life that it’s time to move on to something better.  This, is without a doubt, my number one goal for my thirties – professional fulfillment. This next one, whatever it may be, may it come blissfully soon, doesn’t have to be THE ONE.  It just has to be a step in the right direction. I’m going for a “started at the bottom now we here” kind of vibe.


So that’s why we’re here. Sort of. Join me for ramblings, musings, rants, incoherence, and possible emotional breakdowns as I navigate 30 and my thirties, chasing the dragon of fulfillment. Marriage, career, travel, fitness, cocktails, movies, fashion, food, and much, much, more to come.